I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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