I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
