oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
