I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
