Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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