You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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