Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
