as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
