Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
