I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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