He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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