I met the friendliest cop last night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
