He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
