Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
