Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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