my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
