So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Boobs speak an international language.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
