I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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