i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
