you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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