His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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