Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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