He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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