I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
50% drunk capacity currently
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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