my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
