Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
