my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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