I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
