My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
