If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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