Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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