who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
