I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
