I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
