Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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