We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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