i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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