and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
