I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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