guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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