She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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