he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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