you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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