ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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