Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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