Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
