I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
