so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
