But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
