she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
