You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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