Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
