Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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