cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Someone shattered a urinal.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
