Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
