8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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