i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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