After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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