So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A+ Viking dick
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
