Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
