you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
