You're a womanizer and a bitch.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
