it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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