Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
