Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
