Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
