She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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