Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
