i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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