Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
