the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
