I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
